Breathing, for most you never even think about it, your brain just tells your body to do it. Me, I think about it, I worry about it, I wonder if I'm gonna stop... soon. I don't want to but this pain called grief is so powerful it has caused my brain to malfunction in many ways. I am completely not the same person I was 2 1/2 years ago. In many many ways. Some are for the better but most are for the worst. Today has been one of those days... actually its been one of those weeks. I even cancelled a cruise cause I just couldn't bring myself to "do it"... who does that? I need to get it together... I want to get it together... just not sure how or where to start. So, once again, here I am. We shall see where this journey takes me and if my breathing becomes easier... they say life goes on. And I for sure know that it does for most... but for the grief stricken momma, life has been standing still since her child died and she doesn't get how the world around her is still turning or how the sun still shines. I'm not always such a drag... today is hard. Its lonely, I feel lost and sick and tired and forsaken. Sleep is my refuge thankfully I am able to sleep well... dreams are a problem but mostly sleep is an escape from a cruel reality that is life. I have so much to be thankful for... yet I'm stuck in that moment in time when he took his last breath and I tried breathing for him... maybe that's why its so hard to breathe... I'm still trying to breathe for him. Hummmm, I haven't ever thought of that before. This is therapeutic... Thanks Blog. You need a name. I'll think of it tomorrow.
For now I leave you with this incredible pink sunset... enjoy :) Rock On Mattie!
ROM
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