Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Don't drink the TEA!

I've missed a few days on here due to an awful experience with a glass of sweet tea... Yep, you read it right , sweet tea. This southern girls absolute favorite drink! It all started Saturday afternoon at a friends birthday dinner. We were at the restaurant and I ordered my usual with lemon of course. About an hour later I started to feel like I was DYING! I threw all my manners out and just cried and moaned like a tortured animal for hours and hours. My precious Hubby held a vigil beside me cleaning up all sorts of horrible things I wont discuss and silently praying for me. Finally he couldn't handle anymore and neither could I, he began to call an ambulance but we live in a very small town with a hospital that has a reputation worse than a crack whore ( excuse my language) so I wasn't about to go there.... So he somehow managed to carry all of me to the car and we proceeded to the best hospital near by which was about 30 minutes of PURE PUKEING HELL! When we finally arrived they took me straight back and gave me wonderful sweet drugs that sent me to a land where there was no pain... Only problem is they overdosed me, I stopped breathing, my oxygen level plummeted to 60 and they were about to tube me! Yes, nothing is ever simple with me... Anyway, they were able to do some special jaw manover idk what it was cause at this point I wasn't breathing and barely conscious but whatever it was, it began working so the rest of my stay I was on 100% oxygen which felt nice... Oxygen is one of those things that we don't realize how valuable it is tll it's not there. Whew... barely escaped that one. After hours in the ER they finally admit me and sleep is here at last... No wait, you want to wake me up for what? Ok... Sleep 15 more minutes.... Hey Glory, we need to .... You get the picture. This exhausted, poisioned, overdosed, puking, sleep deprived, miserably sick woman can't rest at all! The doc said I had to rest... So WTH? I decided after a couple of days this wasn't working for me, called my doc, told him why and he sweetly folded his hands and said he understood. Wrote my prescriptions and sent me home... With a severe warning to return if I became dehydrated again... HA! Return? No way! Hospitals aren't for sick people, they are torture chambers! I found it oddly unsettling that my doctor that KNEW I needed to be there, agreed that I should leave so that I could get the rest that I needed at home cause he KNEW I wouldnt get it there. Now my question is WHY NOT? What's wrong with a medical system that is more concerned about protocols than doing what's best for the patient? I just needed them to leave my monitors on, give me my meds and my I'VE fluids and let me sleep off all the overdosing and the poison... Instead I had to go home miserable, cause the I'VE drugs when you are THAT SICK are much better than the pill form. Therefore the puking returned.... Ahhhhhhh today I am better, thanks for wondering. My rant is over and I shall sleep now.., goodnight pink hippie, I hope "they" let you rest :)

Friday, February 3, 2012

Im really tired today. I made it through because of sheer perseverance, my love for my granddaughter, which yall heard about yesterday, my precious hubby that makes me feel like a princess everyday, even though im just an old fat girl.... and my kids... Joey, my 1st born son who is so much like me its scary! He is loving and big hearted and just plain Big! He's 6 ft 8 inches of teddy bear, unless you mess with his family then he comes out all guns a blazing! And so do I. He is precious with his daughter, she is his world and im so proud of the man that he has become. Emily, my youngest and only daughter is a true princess in every way. She is spoiled, (mine and her Daddys fault) but she doesnt act it. She is responsible and beautiful and so very talented. She has a gift with hair...like really! She can transform anyones hair into a work of art! The piano is also one of her God given gifts... She used to play all the time but now she thinks she isnt good anymore... However, the gifts of God are forever.... She still has it and i cant wait for her to bust out with it again! Her husband, my special new son means so much to me. I truly love him. He is Gods perfect gift for my daughter. Her soul mate. He came into our family and became truly just that "family".  I couldnt have hand picked a better husband for my daughter... Im so proud of him.  Here's all of us in September on my daughters wedding day :)

Of course my precious rock star middle son, Mattie is not in this photo. He was there though... I know it. His blog is for another day... until then here's classic Mattie. Rock On Son... momma loves you.

I'm tired and honestly ready to quit. Can't though. Too many people counting on me... Or at least I hope they do. I need to be needed. I need to breathe easier....just cant stop breathing for Mattie...
Happy Weekend Everyone. Goodnight Pink Hippie.... until tomorrow.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Thursday is Violet Day :)

This post is dedicated to my angel granddaughter Violet... yes, she is truly an angel, ask anyone! He 3 favorite people are her Daddy, her Mimi and DORA!  Dora came to her 2 year old Birthday Party and Violet was in Heaven! She danced with her and kissed her and basically had the best day ever :)  

My precious Violet is so easy going and sweet and her smile is captivating...  She makes me smile when noone else can. She holds out her beautiful hands and says "Mimi" and my broken heart melts... I adore her!  Grandchildren are a gift.  Children are a gift.  Im so thankful for both.  My son is the best Dad in the world (next to my hubby) but of course he learned from the best! I get to see Violet today.  Its our week.  My son is divorced so we share her with her mother. (I dont like to share at all... just sayin) But anyways, she is ours until Monday and Im going to enjoy every minute I have with her. Yes, breathing is still hard even with her around (Im still breathing for him... I dont know how to stop and not sure I want to)  but putting on a REAL SMILE isnt, cause she makes it happen every time.  The weather is nice so maybe we will swing tomorrow or ride her jeep outside and the movies to see Beauty and the Beast is definitely in our future this weekend! Her uncle Mattie (that watches over her in heaven) loved this movie... he did the Best impression of Beast you've ever heard... (it always made me jump, just like in the movie!)
Beast..."LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE"...  haha... God I miss him.  For now, Im off to run errands. Tomorrow we shall talk again... for now Peace Out :)
PS... working on your name, thinking "Pink Hippie"

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Hump Day = Hard Day

Just Breathing isn't as easy as it may seem. Life is hard... getting harder.  I need a safe place to sort my thoughts out that are in my head. A place where I can be "ME"... not friend, wife, mom, Mimi... I love being all those things, just since my son died I find it terribly difficult to be ANYTHING! Everything is such a struggle...
Breathing, for most you never even think about it, your brain just tells your body to do it. Me, I think about it, I worry about it, I wonder if I'm gonna stop... soon. I don't want to but this pain called grief is so powerful it has caused my brain to malfunction in many ways. I am completely not the same person I was 2 1/2 years ago.  In many many ways. Some are for the better but most are for the worst. Today has been one of those days... actually its been one of those weeks. I even cancelled a cruise cause I just couldn't bring myself to "do it"... who does that?  I need to get it together... I want to get it together... just not sure how or where to start.  So, once again, here I am. We shall see where this journey takes me and if my breathing becomes easier... they say life goes on. And I for sure know that it does for most... but for the grief stricken momma, life has been standing still since her child died and she doesn't get how the world around her is still turning or how the sun still shines.  I'm not always such a drag... today is hard. Its lonely, I feel lost and sick and tired and forsaken. Sleep is my refuge thankfully I am able to sleep well... dreams are a problem but mostly sleep is an escape from a cruel reality that is life.  I have so much to be thankful for... yet I'm stuck in that moment in time when he took his last breath and I tried breathing for him... maybe that's why its so hard to breathe... I'm still trying to breathe for him.  Hummmm, I haven't ever thought of that before. This is therapeutic... Thanks Blog.  You need a name. I'll think of it tomorrow. 
For now I leave you with this incredible pink sunset... enjoy :)  Rock On Mattie!